Six months ago I created a marriage course called Better Together. During the weeks leading up to it’s launch I created a series of marriage tips. This post is an excerpt from the series. The thing is…this little tip applies to every aspect of our lives and to every relationship.
I know when I start listening to the voices in my mind that want me to compare and find myself lacking to other people or families it ends up making me miserable. It’s absolutely natural and normal for all of us to compare. It’s something our brains do because it’s their job. For me, acknowledging the thoughts and then looking for the things I love, followed by taking some kind of action in showing love for the people I love.
As I turn the door handle and walk in the garage door I secretly hope there are no dishes to do, no straightening of the house.
I push the door open and the first thing I see is a kitchen counter covered in dinner dishes. To my right the backpacks have been thrown into a misshapen pile.
I walk upstairs, unsure of what is going to greet me.
I peek around the corner at the top of the stairs and see all of the kids crowded around Hot Guy and his ipad.
Everyone is laughing and as I get closer original episodes of The Lone Ranger are in vivid black and white playing across the screen.
I know that at this point I have a choice…
1) to choose frustration and anger
2) to choose loving what I’ve got
I can see all of the things that my husband didn’t do while I was gone or I can see all of the things that are right as I look around me.
Choosing to see what’s right with my husband let’s him know I trust him, that I’m grateful to him for enjoying being a dad, and most importantly that I respect the way he parents our kids.
What I almost missed
When I choose to love what I’ve got I see that I have a husband who is confident in the kitchen. He values eating together at the table even when I’m not there and he was available for homework time.
Before I even ask, I know there was a conversation at the dinner table about the original Lone Ranger, who Mike watched as a kid. Realizing the kids had no idea who this legendary hero was Mike immediately wanted to share a piece of his life and history and childhood with them.
Seeing them all huddled around him entranced by the black and white tv program made me love Mike even more. He is caring and devoted and passionate about our story.
That’s an awesome story.
Practice loving what you’ve got
Here are a few things I try to do so that I don’t miss the things I love in my life:
Survey your story. Look past the things that you may typically notice and be a little bit bugged about. Search deeper into the rooms of your home and the life of the person you love most. See what you love about the moment that is happening right in front of you.
Take mental note of what you love. Close your eyes. Be grateful for those little details of your spouse’s story that you love but almost missed.
Find a second today to tell your spouse what you love about what you’ve already got with them right now. There’s nothing to change about them. You’ve got a story that you love.
Each day is crazy chaos. I totally get it. In our family everyone has their own stuff going on. I imagine it’s the same way in your home. I’m not saying to fight the negative feelings. Usually, when I do that, they just fight back. Letting the negative thoughts be there and then choosing a different path makes your story feel more real for you and more yours.
What are some ways, in your home, that you see what there is to love?
Davina Fear is a Familyness Adventurer. She wrote to Gwyneth Paltrow and will never turn down a chocolate cupcake.
She blogs at davinafear.com. Have you signed up for Better Together: A Marriage Adventure? Get your seat here!