Motherhood was a bit of a shock to me. I think the biggest shock was the fact that I thought I had it in the bag, I was totally going to rock at it, and then………I gave birth and my baby cried a lot and I was like um, I didn’t sign up for this.
No really, I thought I was the most prepared person on the planet to be a mother, after all it was the only thing I had ever really wanted to do. I was eleven when my first nephew was born and I thought I was his mother. I was always babysitting neighborhood kids and neices and nephews, I could calm a crying baby and get it to sleep with little effort. Anyway, I think you get the point, I “knew” what it took to be a mom, HA HA HA!
I should have known something was up when ,even in the hospital, my sweet little baby rarely stopped crying. Hmm, what do you mean most newborns sleep alot.
My friend had a baby a few days after me and our husbands were working late hours back then, so we would spend a few evenings a week hanging out together. All I remember is that I spent the entire time standing, walking around, bouncing, rocking, shhing my baby trying to calm him. All the while, her little cutie would sleep the entire time or wake up briefly to eat and then quickly fall back to sleep. WHAT!!!!! All I could think was, “What is wrong with me, what am I doing wrong?”
Later, my friend admitted to me, “I was so glad he was yours and not mine.”
Well four years and one more (not colicky) baby later, I know I wasn’t doing anything wrong, and it wasn’t me. The poor guy just had a tummy ache all the time and for some reason thought crying and not sleeping would help. :)
I’m not sure if it was because he was my first baby or if I just didn’t want to admit that the whole being a mommy thing was throwing me for a HUGE loop, but I didn’t really talk to anyone about it for a long time. That was a bad idea. I thought people would think I was a bad mom if I told them I was having a hard time. I didn’t want to ask for help. I didn’t want to ask anyone to babysit because I knew he would cry the whole time, and I really didn’t want people to know I was struggling.
One of my friends was inducted into the club last year with her little girl. She was like me, and suffered in silence for a while, but when she finally opened up I could offer help because I had been through it with my own baby. I could talk to her and listen to her about how hard it is, and I could offer to watch her baby so she could get out.
What I learned from my experience being inducted into the Colicky Baby Club, was more then just how to get through that first year. I learned that in life, no matter what you are going through (whether it is a colicky baby or a bad hair cut, a rough spot in your marriage —whatever it might be) there is a good chance someone else has already been through it and could offer some help or advice or relief. So don’t be afraid to talk to someone you feel might be able to understand or help you.
Experiences good or bad are what make up a life. When we choose to be open and share what helps or helped us through hard times or even what didn’t help us, it will make our lives and the lives of those around us a little more, “Simply Charmed.”
Maria
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
SO well said! I am a member of the club – for sure! I know all to well about the continual bouncing and shhhing!!!
It was my 2nd (my first was like your friends baby) and I also thought since I’d been around the block once before, #2 would be a breeze. OOOooh, no! I also questioned “What am I doing wrong?’ Because things went along pretty smoothly with our first. I did talk about it and I’m so thankful I did.
I’m also all to happy to offer support to anyone who finds themselves in ‘the club’
Heidi,
I still find myself bouncing whenever I have a kid on my hip.
It sounds like we had opposite experiences. My second was the near perfect one. I actually really thought something was wrong with him.
Amen. I’m living the nightmare now. LOL
Oh April,
I wish I could wave a magic wand and make your baby happy.
Make sure you get time away from the baby and don’t be afraid to tell people you need help. It is so emotionally straining to have a baby crying for hours on end.
It will take time, but it will get better.
My baby wasn’t colicky, but I had lots of post partum trouble. So many women keep silent about struggles after a baby, whether it’s colic or depression….it’s so nice to open up and be honest.
Great post Maria!
Best,
Tina
Amen Sister!
Thanks
My second child – a girl – was colicky for the first two months of her life. Then I tried an elimination diet and we discovered that she was allergic to several foods in my diet and that the offending proteins were passing through the breast milk to her.
Once we eliminated all dairy (including small amounts hidden in other foods), soy, and eggs from my diet her colic disappeared.
It turns out that many babies with colic are exhibiting digestive symptoms to food allergies.
The largest offender by far is cow’s milk proteins. The second is soy. Both are major components of infant formulas and both sometimes pass through breast milk to nursing infants.
If a mother has a baby with colic it’s certainly worth a try to change the diet. You’ll do both your baby and yourself a favor!
That is very interesting. I will definatly give dropping the dairy and soy a try if I ever find myself in that situation agian.
Another thing I have since heard about, is taking them to the chiropractor. I have a friend who swears by it.
Needless to say if I find myself in deep with a colicky baby again, I’ll try anything!
beautifully written Maria. Neither of my boys were ‘in pain’ as Frank puts it. He says there is a lot more empathy around if you are to describe your little mites condition as that, as well as the frustrated, emotional parents too! son number one, however, seemed to take an age to actually get into a good routine of sleeping…., he’d eventually fall asleep in his high chair or in my arms on the sofa… and at night with me or hubby laying next to him…. bad habits one might say but sometimes you have to do what you have to do just to get through the day (or night) right! YOu know what he sleeps like an angel now. No bad habits formed to take weeks or months to break….no parenting book I have ever read ever tells you that!
I’m sure there will be upset in nap and bedtime routines over teh next week or so as we get on the road and head north – but I can reassure myself (and others) that it will be a phase, it will pass and sleep will come again, t0 all of us.
Sweet dreams….(says she, unable to sleep!!!!)
That is so true Kate. Especially with my first, I was always worried that whatever phase he was in was going to last forever. I never let the babies in our bed because I didn’t want them to be in there forever.
Now when I am extra tired or there having a bad night and I try to have them lay in bed with us they won’t do it. Opps. Live and learn.
I am a member of the club! It feels like such an honor!
hehe. My first cried (screamed uncontrollably) for the first three months of her life. If she was awake – she was crying. I thought I was going to loose my mind. My sister was preggo and was three months behind me and she told me later that her and her husband prayed everyday that they would not have a baby like mine. 
Mine is a sweet bundle of funny – now three years later. And my second was a BREEZE.
It is an honor.
Just one you hope no one close to you recieves. 
That cracks me up that your sis and husband were praying not to get a baby like yours.
I am sure their prayers were similar to the ones I offered on a regular basis when I was pregnant with my second.
My third little guy was a grummmmpy wumpy. He cried ALL the time, he was adopted, so I definately felt like there was something wrong with me. I felt completely rejected by him in turn making it difficult to bond quickly. Of course I didn’t tell anyone, looking back I should have.
I did finally figure out he had reflux (which meant he had heartburn, which makes grown folks miserable) and I started using “Gripe Water”, back then there were only a few pharmacies that made it, but I noticed the other day they had it at the grocery store. Both treatments did wonders, but we suffered for months. What I learned? If it doesn’t feel right it isn’t. Your doctor doesn’t live with that child, you are your child’s best pediatrician and his only voice. Talk about it and if the doctor seems unconcerned find a new one! Finally, you are aren’t alone and before you know it that stage is over but it sure seems endless at the time.
Wow I bet that was really hard emotionally for you. I know I felt all kinds of weird guilt and anxiety about not being good enough or that my baby didn’t like me.
It sounds crazy now, but at the time I was so fried physically and emotionally I wasn’t rational anymore. That is why it is so important to talk to someone so they can help you see the situation for what it really is.
And thanks for the advice on being proactive with the pediatrician.
A rather large number of what folks’ term collicky baby have tummy issues; there are meds and home-remedies to help ease the pain. Ask a doc or do read-up parents!
All three of my kids did (and probably the fourth one on the way will, too), have acid reflux. I had it most of my life so I understand their pain.
While my son was no where near colicky, he had this period when he cried every day for about an hour, and all I can say was in that hour I had a wealth of emotions run through me. Is he hurt? Did I do something, WHY IS HE PURPLE?! So I can only imagine how it would feel to have that more than an hour a day. The rest of the day he was fine.
I did a little research and read up on acid reflux, and I read one story about a mother who had still not seen her baby smile and he was six months, he had colic. That woke me up to how bad it can be. Again, can’t imagine. It was my babies smiles that got me through all the lack of sleep, and not to have that would have been horrible.
My doctor had me give my son a little mylanta an hour before is crying period and it did the trick! It seemed that he had a little reflux that triggered at that time of the day.
Like some others have talked about, my doctor said they are finding a lot of the babies that have colic, actually have acid reflux. Even if they don’t spit up a lot, it can just rise up in their throat and burn like the dickens.
Great post dear, thank you for being open.
Reading about colicky babies reminded me of my firstborn (47 yrs ago). The hospital kept him a whole 10 extra days because they said his tummy wasn’t mature enough (I thought they were just jealous because he was perfect, beautiful, etc. & wanted to keep him themselves to rock him & play w/ him – I was that anxious to get my hands on him). Anyway, when I finally got him home he’d gulp his formula – honestly, there was no stopping him, then cry & cry until finally he’d puke up 1/2 his bottle on my shoulder. I learned to wear a folded diaper over my shoulder at all times & keep the shoulder diapers separate from the “butt” diapers. I learned to cry w/ him because he was so little & helpless & I couldn’t do anything because anybody I asked just said, “don’t worry about it, it’s just colic. He’ll outgrow it.” It didn’t last but maybe 3-4 mos & when he didn’t want to be held/rocked/swayed all the time anymore I missed the constant weight of him in my arms. I sympathize w/ the young mothers of today who experience the same things a long line of mothers have experienced back through history & all over the world – different words/terms, but the same love, worry, concern that their precious little one isn’t comfortable.